Why is There a Frog in My Knickers?
by stupefied in love
Summary: Lily Evans' arch-enemy and hated classmate James Potter has finally agreed to leave her alone. But will she come to regret her harsh judgement of him?
1. Chapter 1

Year One:

"Morning, Lily. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Bugger off, Potter."

"Aww, don't be that way, Lils. I thought we were friends!"

"The day we're friends is the day pigs fly."

"What're you talking about? Pigs fly all the time!"

"I meant _without_ magic, Potter."

"That's silly."

"…"

"I just don't get why flying pigs is that big of a deal."

"It's a muggle expression."

"Oh, I once watched a muggle movie… here, I'll re-enact my favorite part."

"Did you just dip my braids into your inkwell?"

"I told you I was going to re-enact my favorite part."

"…"

"What?"

"I hate you James Potter!"


	2. Chapter 2

Year Two:

"Morning, Lily. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Sod off, Potter."

"Such language Lils! And among friends. How sad."

"We're still not friends."

"You wound me right here."

"Well, maybe your wounded heart can tell me why there's a centipede crawling up my leg."

"Oh, that. Well, I overheard you admiring them in potions."

"I w-was admiring their qual-li-lity. And they w-were d-d-de-ahhhh!"

"That's right, run away."

"I hate you James Potter!"


	3. Chapter 3

Year Three:

"Morning, Lily. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Leave me alone, Potter."

"What do you mean, Lily? I thought we were friends."

"In your dreams."

"Actually, in my dreams we go to the Valentine's Day Ball together."

"Interesting."

"So, will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Will you come with me?"

"Of course not."

"Aw, c'mon, Lils."

"Nope."

"I was afraid you'd say that. So I got you these."

"Oh, roses. I guess they're kind of nice- mfph grmph argph!"

"What was that?"

"Why did those roses just try to eat my face?"

"They weren't trying to eat you, they were kissing you. They're called kissing roses. They're enchanted to kiss you lots, and then they give you this cute rash that looks like lipstick marks."

"Wha- give me your mirror."

"What mirror?"

"That one you always carry around and talk into. Yeah, I know your secret. You're one of those weirdoes who tells himself how hot he looks in the mirror. So hand it over."

"O-kay…"

"Oh my god, do you see my face?"

"Yeah, that rash is terrific."

"Terrific? It's awful, you prat! How do you get it off?"

"It doesn't come off for a week. Isn't it great?"

"I hate you James Potter!"


	4. Chapter 4

Year Four:

"Morning, Lily. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Go bother someone else, Potter."

"C'mon Lils, I thought you'd have gotten used to me by now."

"Somehow, no matter how many times we interact, I just can't seem to."

"Well, maybe going to the Valentine's Day Ball with me would help."

"I said no last year- what makes you think this year will be any different?"

"I got you these instead of kissing roses."

"Wow, how'd you know I love daffodils?"

"I know everything."

"…And you're still the cocky git we all know and hate."

"A little harsh, don't you think?"

"No, and in case it hasn't gotten through that thick head of yours, I won't go to the ball with you!"

"Why not?"

"Why do you think?"

"Because the enchantment on those daffodils worked and now your hair is pink?"

"What? Argh… you know here's an idea, Potter. Maybe if you didn't pick on me every year, I would actually go out with you!"

"Really?"

"Probably not, but you'll never know until you try."

"Hmm… no, not worth it."

"Ugh."

"What?"

"I hate you James Potter!"


	5. Chapter 5

Year Five:

"Morning, Lily. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"What do you want, Potter?"

"To go with you to Hogsmeade, of course."

"And what makes you think today will be different than any of the previous… what is it now, 427 times you've asked me?"

"You wouldn't want to make me depressed on Valentine's Day?"

"Well, since you make me depressed every day, I think it's more than a fair trade."

"So it that a yes?"

"Of course not. You're an arrogant prat and I would rather go with the Giant Squid!"

"At least I'm a better snogger than him."

"That's debatable."

"That's insulting!"

"Like I care."

"C'mon Lily. Just go out with me once and I'll stop bothering you."

"That's the point."

"What do you mean?"

"It's all about the chase for you! You don't care about my interests or goals, you just like me because somehow, I'm the only girl in this whole school who doesn't like you back!"

"That's not true! I like you because you're pretty too!"

"You just won't grow up."

"That's not true either! I stopped picking on you like you said."

"And started asking me out twice a day instead?"

"Yeah. And…?"

"You're insufferable!"

"Thank you- wait, what does insufferable mean?"

"I hate you James Potter!"


	6. Chapter 6

Year Six:

"Morning, Lily. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Please just go away, Potter."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"I'm just not in the mood. And don't give me that concerned look like you actually care."

"But I do care!"

"I thought we'd went over this. You only like me for the excitement of the chase- and apparently because you think I'm pretty."

"You are pretty."

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

"You sure? Because there's a lot more where that came from…"

"Yes, I'm sure! When will you get it through your immensely thick skull that I'm NOT INTERESTED and never will be? Even after last year, when you effectively pushed my best friend away from me-"

"You can't blame me for that! He's the one who called you a- well, a You-Know-What."

"Only after your taunting! Face it, after almost 6 years, the only thing you've succeeded in is ruining my life and making me hate you!"

"Well if that's how you feel, maybe we should just stop talking."

"Finally, he gets it."

"Alright, I'll leave you alone from now on."

"Really?"

"Yes, I promise. If that's what you really want."

"It is."

"Then I will."

"Thank you."

"Uh-huh. Now maybe once more, for old times' sake…"

"Fire away."

"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"

"No, Potter, I won't."

"Why not?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"No, not really."

"Good."

"Well, maybe for old times' sake…"

"Are you serious?"

"No, that's my best friend, silly."

"Did you really just go there?"

"Yeah I did and it was cloudy!"

"Merlin, you have the lowest maturity level of anyone I've ever met. Including my 3-year-old cousin."

"Look who's talking!"

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Neither does your face."

"Wha- Er- Huh? I'm not even gonna bother."

"Struck speechless by my good looks?"

"Did you really just go there?"

"Yeah and it was-"

"Don't finish that sentence if you like your face the way it is."

"Huh?"

"I HATE YOU JAMES POTTER!"


	7. Chapter 7

Did that really just happen? Did James Potter actually agree to leave me alone? No, impossible. I must be dreaming-

OW! Okay, apparently I'm not dreaming, according to how much that pinch bloody hurt!

Oh, I think I might have frightened that poor little first year. I don't suppose he thinks it's normal for a girl to randomly pinch herself. I simply can't believe it, though. This must be heaven. James Potter agreed to bugger off. And if there's one redeeming feature to James Potter, it's that he keeps his promises (though that fact has unfortunately never worked in my favor before…).

He's so stubborn, he'll never give in. He'll think that I'm bluffing, then wait for me to crack first. And I'll never crack.

* * *

><p>I cracked. It didn't take days, or even weeks, but eventually I cracked. So how did I get from loathing James Potter to loathing the idea of being without him? Well, it all started on September 1st, 1977, Platform 9 and ¾, King's Cross Station. And here's my (carefully documented) account of how it happened.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Date: September 1

Time: 2:30 PM

So, I'm probably crazy for doing this, but I've decided to continue my yearly-diary-tradition despite the facts that this is my NEWTs year and I'm probably going to have several mental breakdowns before the year is up. Ah well, no one ever said I was an underachiever, right? And I never could turn down an opportunity for procrastination.

Hopefully this diary will actually help me avoid insanity so I have a place to vent. I'll switch up the style a lot based on how much time I have and what best fits the situation I'm speaking of… in past years, I've used some straight dialogue, ranting, long monologues about my feelings, and even written notes with friends in my diaries. Another frequent technique will be narratives with some inserted commentary, which I think I'm about to use. Good practice for if I ever actually become an author, although I have to admit, thinking about my future after Hogwarts makes me want to break out in hives.

Anyway, I want to get this done before Mary wakes up from her nap (she's still jet-lagged, poor thing), so here goes:

* * *

><p>"Lily!" The high pitched squeal echoed through the misty air, and I saw a shape hurtling towards me. I laughed as Mary slammed into me, then I wrapped my arms around her, returning her fond embrace.<p>

I can't believe I haven't seen you since June, Lils! How are you?" She had backed away slightly, but kept my hands gripped in hers and was beaming at me, affection shining in her face. I squeezed her hands and smiled back at her.

"I've been great, Mary. How was France?"

She launched into a story about her travels and I listened intently as we lugged our trunks towards the train. Mary had always been the more talkative of the two of us, though Merlin knows I could have quite the mouth on me when the situation required it.

As we approached the train, it got harder to find our way through the mass of students milling around. Mary elbowed and fought to get to the stowaway for our luggage.

"Excuse me, Head Girl coming through!" Her voice rang our shrilly, though no one paid her much attention. "Hmph, where's their respect for authority?" she questioned aloud, and I giggled.

Finally, through sheer determination (with some help from Mary's sharp elbows) we arrived at the train. We put on our robes over our muggle clothes (mine slightly more convincing than the Pureblood Mary's) then prepared to stow away our luggage.

Even as the picture or outspoken, independent women, we still had a pitiable lack of arm strength, and we were struggling to heave our trunks into the compartment under the train.

Suddenly, two tanned, calloused hands appeared from behind us and tossed them in for us. I turned around and grinned.

"Remus!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms around him. "How was your summer?" I asked after Mary had hugged him as well, uncharacteristically quiet (I smirked at her knowingly).

He shrugged good-naturedly. "Could have been better." He replied, and I took a closer look at him. I noticed that he did look a bit peaky, and calculated that the full moon had been just a couple nights ago. Of course, he didn't know that Mary and I had figured out the reason for his monthly disappearances back in fifth year, so I faked confusion.

"I've heard phoenix flu is particularly nasty this time of year. Perhaps you caught that?"

"He smiled wryly. "Perhaps." I knew he hated lying to us, but I would wait until he felt comfortable telling us about his unfortunate condition to let him know that we were already aware, and perfectly fine with it. I wasn't his fault, and I couldn't think of someone less deserving of such misfortune. Remus was the sweetest, I thought as we headed toward the train conversing about our summers.

Mary was still quite subdued, and I thought (not for the first time) that she and Remus really would make a perfect couple.

"Oh, Lily!" Remus blurted suddenly, making me jerk back to attention. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you, although I don't think you'll like it much."

I raised my eyebrows, slightly apprehensive, but not too worried since Remus didn't seem to out of sorts.

"Congrats again on Head Girl." He said, pointing to the badge that I had already fastened onto my robe.

"Thanks," I replied, somewhat confused at his apparent subject change. "But what was it that you wanted to tell me?"

He bit his lip and sighed before speaking the five words that would change my life forever.

"James Potter is Head Boy."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ahh, I know it's really short! But I hope you enjoyed, and don't worry, the chapters will get much longer soon! I'm in the middle of exams, so I don't have much time to write, but I don't want to leave you hanging, so this is the compromise.**

**Please review and tell me thoughts, suggestions, praise or criticism!**

**6/21 update: I've decided after reading the super awesome "She Said What?" by Zayz that I would try out a diary format. I didn't want to copy her too much, and there are a lot of differences in style, but if you like this you should check it out! I also was too lazy to change this a lot, so I've decided Lily just sometimes likes writing narratives, though I always planned that she would want to be an author or journalist. Anyway, enjoy!**


	9. Chapter 9

Date: September 1 (cont.)

Time: 6 PM

The trolley came by and I woke Mary for a quick snack to tide us over until the feast at Hogwarts. We caught up more and got into a bit of a tiff as you'll see below, but it's blown over and now I'm ready to get up to date with this story:

* * *

><p>I managed to keep my Head-Girl-composure, smiling thinly and thanking Remus for the information before heading to my usual compartment with Mary.<p>

I didn't even interrogate her about Remus, but was deathly silent until the door was firmly shut, then exploded into a tornado of fury. I paced back and forth, gesturing wildly.

"What was Dumbledore thinking? He has no prefect experience, no sense of responsibility or maturity, no idea at all how to handle being Head Boy!"

This is one of those times I mentioned, when I'm the loud one, and Mary sits there, supportive and slightly frightened by my outburst.

"I suppose Dumbledore must see another side of him." She offered timidly.

"What other side?" I spat, knowing that she would recognize that my anger wasn't direct and her and wouldn't take my tone personally. "Six years, Mar. Six years he's been there at every turn, first teasing me, then claiming he fancied me. I hate him, and still he probably knows everything about me, that's how often he was around me."

"Yes," she replied, "But do you know everything about him?"

Hours later, getting into a carriage to head to the castle, I was still indignant. Of course I knew him. How could I not, when he was constantly hurling factoids at me in a feeble attempt to impress me?

He is an only child (that probably explained his arrogance), his favorite color is green ("the color of your eyes" he always says, the bloody ponce), he wants to be an auror, he plays seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team but is also a great beater, he wants a son named Harry then a daughter named Delia… the list goes on.

And even if this isn't everything about him, why would I _want_ to know more? He's infuriating, and not in the pleasant and attractive 'I-want-to-snog-your-pants-off-but-can't' way, more in the 'you-make-me-want-to-do-violent-illegal-things-but-you're-not-worth-life-in-Azcaban' way. So excuse me for not being completely enthusiastic about Mary's comment.

Perhaps I was a bit too harsh, though… It wasn't her fault that I was in a horrid mood.

As if reading my mind, Mary suddenly piped up. "C'mon, Lils. Don't you think you're overreacting just a smidge? And do you really want to start the year off like this? Our _last_ year? We won't even be in the same dorm, do you want to waste what precious time we have left together? …"

She babbled on, a common strategy for when she was trying to annoy me into forgiving her, but I had stopped listening.

"Whoa, back up. Why wont we be in the same dorm?"

She looked at me as if I were crazy, or at least exceedingly stupid. "The Heads get their own dorm. You know that."

"I do?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah, weren't you friends with Alice Prewitt last year? Well, I suspect it will be Alice Longbottom before long. She and Frank were Heads last Year, and she always would brag about what went on in there…"

She made a disgusted face and I laughed. "Of course, how could I forget?"

She grinned wickedly. "Perhaps you were trying to ignore the fact that you'll be sharing that same dorm with James Potter."

"Urg." I groaned, but she wasn't finished.

"And, there seems to be a tradition of Heads becoming couples, dear Frank and Alice being a prime example." Her eyes twinkled with mischief and I knew she was just trying to rile me up, so I (barely) resisted taking the bait.

"Well, when have I ever followed traditions?" I asked.

"I dunno," she argued. "I might want to follow in Alice's footsteps if I were you. If James is anything like Frank…" She broke off, licking her lips suggestively.

"How could you even compare them?" I cried. Her objectifying and purely physical admiration of Frank was despicable.

"Frank is so much sweeter than James. He's so selfless and helpful… and that bum!" Okay, I'm a hypocrite.

Mary snorted. "Like James doesn't have a fantastic bum? I could stare at it all day." She wiggled her eyebrows lecherously and I shrieked in disgust, slapping at her and giggling as our 'argument' was forgotten.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I decided to make this in diary-ish format (see the A/N in Ch. 8 for more details) and have therefore edited chapters 7-9. If you don't want to read, you probably won't be confused, but you might want to just in case. It'll only take a few minutes. Also, I'd really appreciate any feedback on this idea.**

**Happy 1st day of summer! :D**

**~Jay a.k.a. stupefied in love**


	10. Author's Note

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm going to be traveling for a few weeks, so I won't have steady internet access. I'll keep writing in my notebook and might be able to update while away, but more likely you'll have a lot of updates when I get back in three weeks. Thanks for your patience!**

**~Jay a.k.a. stupefied in love**


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